THE REAL INTERNET MAFIA
01/01/2005 UPDATE: TODAY IS THE NEW YEAR. 2006 is going to be the awesomest year yet for the Internet Mafia. If you think the internet mafia is going to fade away then you better get a life you retard. the Internet Mafia makes the internet go round. HERE ARE THE INTERNET MAFIA'S 2006 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.
12/30/2006 UPDATE: WHAT UP chump stains, we just made the INTERNET MAFIA about 10000x awesomer than before!!!!
Our old website was hella gay so we have a new one now thanks to OUR NEW ASSOCIATE Tim "THE TERRORIZOR" Jonesman. Tim is a loser and he
has no friends and hes really gay but HE MAKES GOOD WEBSITES and he lets me copy his math homework!!
Hi, my name is Carl "Cadaver" Schwartz and I'm BOSS and WEBMASTER of the MEANEST MAFIA IN THE WORLD: The INTERNET MAFIA. If you haven't heard of us yet then you better get your head out out of your butt because WE'RE TAKING THE INTERNET BY STORM.
And if you think we're just a bunch of loser dorks then YOU'RE WRONG and IT MAY COST YOU YOUR LIFE. We don't take crap from anyone!! Not even from Stonecold Steve Austin!! Here's the history of our organization:
400,000,000 BC - Dinosaurs rule the Earth.
0 BC or something - Jesus is born.
1492 - Columbus sails the ocean blue.
2005 AD - The INTERNET MAFIA is formed!!!!!!!!!!!
Why form an awesome INTERNET MAFIA?? Well, one day I went to Blockbuster and checked out this crazy movie called THE GODFATHER!! It's the best movie ever!! And then later when I was spending the night at my friend Joey's house we watched THE SOPRANOS (HE HAS HBO)!! Tony Soprano is THE BOMB. And that's when I decided to form my own paizan!!!
Guess what else?? I'm not even Italian!! But that's ok because the Internet Mafia is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER. We hire Americans, Canadians, Mongolians, Italians, Costa Ricans and even FRENCH PEOPLE!! We don't discriminate, and we even hire girls (AS STRIPPERS - HAAHAHAHHAHA).
We're the richest mafia in the world too. Every time you send an email or send an instant message or move your mouse or turn your computer on WE GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION. Also we have elite hackers who hack web sites that won't pay our protection fee!! And we even have hackers that hack other hackers who try to hack us!!!
So do you think you are bad enough to join our organization?? Well you are probably WRONG because our books are CLOSED(that means NO NEW MEMBERS!!). There are a few exceptions though, we need a few good people who fit into these categories:
1) Professional wrestlers
2) Chicks with big boobs
3) MR. T
ALSO we really need someone who is 18+ to buy us beer and get us into strip clubs!!
If you want to join the INTERNET MAFIA then fill out the application on the right
, we'll contact you if you're worthy(AND YOU PROBABLY AREN'T). Even if you do make it in you'll have to start on the bottom as a foot soldier and work your way up!!
And don't even think of ratting us out!! The last dude that tried that is sleeping with the fishes!! So don't even think about it!! The Schwartz crime family is untouchable, not even the FBI can bring us down. The feds are too scared to even mess with us, they know we don't fool around.
THE INTERNET MAFIA'S DEADLY ARSENAL - If there is ONE WEBSITE on the internet that you don't want to mess with it is THE INTERNET MAFIA!!!!
THE INTERNET MAFIA'S LAW BREAKING ACTIVITY - We break the law all the time and we get a way with it because we're awesome. NOBODY can stop us.
Well that's all I have to say for now!! Remember to show respect for the INTERNET MAFIA because if you don't then you will be sorry!! DEATHLY sorry!! HahahHahhahaahhaaa!!